


sixty

by cinnamorose



Series: sixty/and the sun still rises [1]
Category: Uta no Prince-sama
Genre: (sorta lol), Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Gen, Kisaragi Aine and Mikaze Ai Are Cousins, Mikaze Ai-centric, POV First Person, my summaries keep getting shorter n shorter lmao, qn in da master course as juniors what will they do, this is my longest single-chapter story im proud of it. my lil baby. i love u, u could argue its reiji/ai but its not explicitly in the story so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:33:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27264298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cinnamorose/pseuds/cinnamorose
Summary: Sixty days. Forty-six days. Sixteen days. Six days. One day. 24 hours.Ai, taking his first steps out of the lab and its procedure testing, finds himself put into idol work to learn first-hand emotions, brought into the group QUARTET NIGHT.
Relationships: Kisaragi Aine & Kotobuki Reiji, Kisaragi Aine & Mikaze Ai, Kotobuki Reiji & Mikaze Ai
Series: sixty/and the sun still rises [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1997680
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	sixty

“Reiji, are you busy? I want to introduce someone to you!”

I stared ahead as the man opened the door. Brown eyes. Brown hair. 173 centimetres. Heartbeat, 63 beats per minute. Auxiliary body temperature, 36.5°C. He was in a white button down shirt, a green tie laying undone around his neck. If I had to make an assumption, he was still getting ready for the day, whatever the reason.

“Eh? Kisagi!” He says, giving the man beside me a large smile. He comes in close, hugging Aine tightly and beaming as he pulls back. Then, it seems he’s finally spotted me, and I watch the way his eyes widen in surprise as he turns to face me. “And… Also… Kisagi?”

I stare silently over at Aine when he barks out a laugh, shaking his head. “Not quite,” he says. “His name is Ai Mikaze. You remember my uncle, the professor, right?” The man before me at the door, Reiji, nods, and I turn to stare at him instead. “Well, he made Ai. Mostly ‘cause he was told to, since they wanted to make… I guess they’re trying to see if you can make idols out of androids or whatever. Consider him my little cousin, I guess? My little cousin that just so happens to look exactly like me, and be as tall as he is and stuff despite being about 10.” The two of them laugh. Was that a joke of some sort? “He’s a learning AI, and I knew you were planning on debuting as a group, so I thought… Y’know, why not let him stick with you all?” Reiji stares at me, then grins, reaching out and ruffling my hair. Hm… “Shining already knows about his existence, already has him in the agency and all, said he’ll be signed up for the Master course with someone. All the paperwork is done, he told me.”

“I don’t see an issue with it!” He says, patting my shoulder. “I heard Myu-chan’s senior can take someone else under his wing, anyways!” Aine rests his hand on my lower back, gently pushing me forwards, towards Reiji. I step closer, nearly falling when the brunet yanks me close to his side, his arm wrapped around me tightly. “I know I asked before, but I’m asking again. Why don’t you come join?” When I look at Aine, his face didn’t change too much. Though, his eyes do seem to close a little.

“Oh, I’m hoping to try solo work, y’know?” He says, shrugging. “Maybe I can join sometime in the future. Get you extra fans.” He winks at Reiji, then snorts, and the two are laughing once again. They’re noisy, very noisy. “I promise, Reiji, I really promise, I’ll join you and the others later down the road.” He holds out a hand, his little finger extended. I watch as Reiji reaches out and links his own little finger with Aine’s.

“You better keep this promise!” He says, smiling still. Aine simply nods, patting my head before he turns to leave. “I know how you are with them, so I’m holding you to this one in particular. Don’t you go breaking my trust anymore, do you hear me?”

“You keep yourself out of trouble, Ai! And you too, Reiji!” Reiji waves, making a ridiculous face at Aine as he leaves, then he turns to face me, his smile wide.

“Ai-Ai! Welcome!” Ai-Ai? I scowl a little. “Ehh? Do you not like it? Do you want something else? Mi-Mi? Mikai?”

“… That is not my name,” I state, staring him in the eyes. He stares, then smiles. He seems unbothered by what I said.

“I know!” He says, brushing my hair back down. I wish he would stop touching it already. “It’s a nickname! Something to give you familiarity, something you use with your friends, everything like that!”

“You can just use my name,” I say, and he shakes his head. “Why not?”

“Ai-Ai, I  _ know _ your name! I’m giving you a nickname so we can be friends!” He wraps his arm around me and pulls me inside. Room temperature, 21.3°C. The room is colder by a decent amount, however I do not believe it would be uncomfortable. Reiji leads me to a couch and pulls me down with him to sit on it, leaning back as he begins to work on his tie. “Ran-Ran and Myu-chan are currently in their own dorms, but they should be out in a bit! Then you’ll meet your new roommates!” He gives me a wink. I stare back, and then nod slowly. I suppose I’d be better off actually meeting the people I will be in this band with. “If you want, you can also call me big brother, you know?” I did not want to.

Exactly sixteen minutes and fifty-two seconds later, I lifted my head at the sound of footsteps from the hall. Out came two men, one with gelled grey hair spiked in all directions and the other with sleek, blond hair that rested on his shoulders. They wore similar outfits to Reiji, but with different ties. One had dark red, the other had light blue.

“Ran-Ran! Myu-chan!” Reiji beams, sitting up. “We have a new person here!” He slapped my back hard enough to rock my forwards a little, and I stared up at them. The confusion on their face was evident.

“... Oi, Reiji,” the grey-haired man started, dropping into a seat unceremoniously across the room. The other man huffed, going to sit upon the other seat across from him. “That’s just Aine, ain’t it? Thought y’said there’s some new guy, not just your best friend ya brought home t’chat with just ‘bout every other week on somethin’ new.”

“I know he  _ looks _ like Kisagi, but that doesn’t mean he  _ is _ him, Ran-Ran!” He huffs, crossing his arms. “His name is Ai! Kisagi dropped his little cousin off with big brother Reiji here ‘cause he knew we were gonna debut as a group, and so he wanted to give us a fourth member!” He grins playfully. “Guess we’re not Triad Night anymore, huh?”

The other man, who I could only assume was ‘Myu-chan,’ shook his head. “So, are we babysitting his cousin, Kotobuki?” He asks. “I apologise, but I am disinterested in caring for him. Can he not do such on his own?”

“I am fully capable of caring for myself,” I state, and the two’s looks snap to me immediately. Then, ‘Ran-Ran’ glares over at Reiji slowly.

“Seriously, Reiji, I’m  _ not _ in the mood for you and Aine’s bullshit, please. We’ve got work to do.” Reiji frowns harder at his words.

“He’s  _ not _ Aine, I’m telling you,” he insists. “Ai-Ai here’s an android, a  _ learning _ android. Kisagi’s uncle wants us to keep an eye on him and help him learn and stuff. Kisagi asked us to help him for his uncle. It’s just another form of work, Ran-Ran! We’re keeping an  _ Ai _ on him!” The groan that left ‘Ran-Ran’ was clearly frustrated, but at his humour or the additional work? That I could not determine.

“Yeah yeah, whatever,” he sighs, getting to his feet. “Let’s get him something different to wear, then, if he’s gonna be goin’ with us.”

* * *

Two days later, I was finally situated within a room. I roomed with Camus, taking the top bunk of the bed I shared with him. My studies to catch up with the other three was likely difficult to keep up with, had I been someone else. I was unbothered by it, though; I could easily stay awake for two weeks and five days without pause to learn if I truly pushed myself. Though, my senior and roommate tended to inform me of when to stop instead.

I also have quickly learned some of the things they each like. Camus has a dangerously unhealthy obsession with sugar, it seems. Reiji enjoys being… A pest. Had I not allowed Ranmaru to walk ahead of me and lead me, I am certain I would have ended up doused in the same amount of cold water and likely would have short-circuited and been damaged. What a pain that would have been to fix up afterwards. Ranmaru likes playing with the little stray cats that came around outside.

“Ai-Ai!” I look up, watching Reiji waving to me as he comes over. He drops down next to me, tucking some of my hair behind one ear. “There you are! Myu-chan said you’d left at 5am this morning. What the heck were you up to, mm?”

“I had gotten up to work,” I state, pointing to the laptop set on the table in front of me. He leans in, tilting his head this way and that curiously. What on earth is this display? I focus, watching him intently as he reads, then he sits back, laughing.

“Really, just classwork? This early? You’ve got all day, though!” He says, wrapping an arm around me and pulling me in. “Why not do it later on in the day, mm? You’ve got plenty of time to do so, you don’t need to do it all now!” He stretches out. I frown at him. But… Is it not best to finish your work as early as possible?

“Why don’t you come to the studio with me and Ran-Ran and Myu-chan, eh? We all wanna just go on and work just a little on our singing and stuff, and we’ve got some stuff to use! Maybe it’ll help you understand how we feel a little more, you know?” Understanding them and emotions… I get to my feet without hesitation, turning to return to the dorm I share with Camus and our senior. “Eh? Ai-Ai, where are you going?”

“I am going to get prepared for the day. If you are not, I recommend you do the same.” Without turning back, I continue on past, barely side stepping Reiji and Ranmaru’s senior as I go by.

* * *

Three days after, I found myself and Reiji sitting together as the two of us work together on a song of some sort. He’s more focused on the lyrics, almost as if he’s teaching me the things they could mean. It’s strange, entirely illogical, and for the fifth time today, I found myself stopping him.

“… Reiji.” I put my hand upon his shoulder, stopping him from saying anything further, and he lifts his head and turns to me. “Why do I have to do this?”

“Mm? It’s romantic, Ai-Ai!” He says, beaming at me, and I felt my annoyance grow. Romantic? What does that have to do with anything? “Ah, such a scary face…! Don’t glare at me so hard, I’ll explain!” He sets down the laptop, holding onto my hands. “It means, it’s meant to make people feel… Loved, and cared about, and happy! That’s part of our job as multi-idols, to bring smiles and love to those we sing for! You know?”

“I was told we just needed to be lucky. Why do we need to sing about romance?” I ask. His hands felt warmer than average, by only fractions of a degree. “It doesn’t make sense. Can’t they just make their own romance and we sing whatever we feel?” For some reason, that seemed to amuse him. I frowned. He laughs a lot, especially at the things I tend to say.

“Ai-Ai, that’s not how it works,” he says fondly, smiling at me. “For some people, it’s hard to connect with people in that way. They can’t fall in love the same way everyone else can, so they fulfill it with our music.” Reiji takes my hands, lifting them and holding them between both of his. “We let them know they’re loved and cared about, and they feel happy about it.” I stare at his hands, then up at his face. He’s smiling softly at me, his head tilted to the side.

“… It’s just because they feel unloved?” I ask. When he nods, I blink at him silently. I still don’t get it, but perhaps it’s better to simply not question it any further.

* * *

Two days later, I found myself trapped and alone. It wasn’t all that bad. But, I can’t forget the looks on everyone’s faces once I finally got unstuck.

The professor was murmuring something about being so lucky as to have not lost me forever. I remember Aine, my ‘cousin,’ holding me in a “near crushing hug” (Reiji described it to me later, how tight his hugs are. I didn’t think it was all that bad.) as he cried into my shoulder. They were… Scared for me. And worried. I tuck that note away in my memory, slowly hugging Aine back.

Soon after those two came around, the rest of my group came along. Reiji looked particularly relieved seeing me, smiling and coming over. His hand rests on top of my head, his fingers sliding into my hair and fluffing it up and about. Irritating…

“You’re safe, Ai-Ai, I’m glad!” Somehow, I’ve grown used to this childish nickname after only a week of being called it. “Good grief, I don’t think I’d have ever gotten over it if something happened to you!”

“I was only caught in the elevator,” I insist, feeling him pull me into a hug. Despite me being taller than him by five centimetres, I find myself resting my head against his chest. Hmm… His heart is beating much faster than average. Thankfully not dangerously so. Strangely enough, he is just as nervous physically as the professor and Aine, but he has such a calm smile on his face instead. I feel my frustration twinge a little at this confusing display. Must I learn contradictory things such as this, too? Hmm…

“Yeah, but a lot could’ve happened in that elevator!” He exclaims, brushing out my hair as he holds me. I squirm and wiggle until he quickly lets me go, my hands coming up to fix and flatten my hair back down from his attacks. He just gives me a small smile as I tuck my hair back behind one of my ears, listening to him continue. “I don’t want to think about it, though. I’m just glad you’re safe, Ai-Ai.”

I stare up at his face. Despite how calm he looks, now that I actually study him, that’s not what he really is, how he truly feels. He’s relieved that I’m okay, despite just being mildly inconvenienced in an elevator for a short period of time. I tighten my jaw a little as I look at him, staring quietly up at his face. Somehow it’s a little nice to see him this way, relieved like that.

“… Okay.” I nod slowly. “I understand.” I hear him hum and watch him run a hand through my hair, ruffling it up again. Ugh.

* * *

The very next day, Reiji is running into the studio, gasping and red-faced. Elevated heartbeat, 115 beats per minute. His temperature rose approximately 3 degrees. “Guys! You won’t believe it!” He wheezes.

Ranmaru and Camus look up from their spots, eyes trained on Reiji. “What’s got you goin’?” Ranmaru grunts, clearly halfway from falling asleep.

“Our songs!” He gasps, grabbing the back of the couch right behind me to steady himself. If I lean back, my hair would slide in between his fingers, so I make a note to not do that. He’s been messing with it too much. “They… We… A group! We’re… Song together…”

“Kotobuki, pull yourself together,” Camus scolds, setting down his all-too-sweet plate of cake and crossing his arms. “Breathe before you start babbling like so again. What are you talking about?”

“W— We’ve got… A song together to make! We’re a unit! We’re gonna debut!” The other two stare, then Ranmaru shifts around, pushing up with his elbows on the arm of the chair.

“Hold on, you fuckin’ with us?” He asks, watching Reiji shake his head hard. “You tellin’ me we’re a  _ unit _ -unit? No pullin’ our legs?”

“No! Seriously, Ran-Ran, we did—” Reiji hiccupped, tears coming to his eyes. “We— We did it! We’re a unit…” He hung his head, trembling as he sobbed, and Camus got to his feet, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

“Here now, Kotobuki,” he murmurs, patting his back. He carefully guided the man to holding him. As Ranmaru got up, I was the only one left sitting alone, watching as the two crowd around him to gently calm him down. I watched on silently, left alone. Strangely, I felt something pull inside of me.

“A— Ai-Ai, come—” Reiji sniffs, his face red and wet. I watch as he holds out a hand to me, but I don’t move for a good few seconds, just watching him. Then, slowly, I stand, bringing myself to around the back, and out of nowhere I’m yanked into the hug between the three of them. Reiji’s rubbing his face into my shirt, and I absently make note that I’ll need to likely change out of it later, considering how hard he’s sobbing. There is a good chance that it will be left dirtied.

“I’m so happy! We did it, we actually did it!” His voice breaks, and I look up at Ranmaru’s and Camus’s faces. Surprisingly, there’s neither indifference nor scowls on their features; instead, they almost look gentle, smiling down at him and rubbing his back, letting him cry as much as he needs. I stare down at the man crying into my chest and rest my hand on his head, smoothing his hair.

* * *

The next day, I had to go back to the lab. Just an update of kinds, checking on how well I’ve been doing. As it turns out, I’m learning much faster than I should have on average, had I stayed in the lab solely. The professor is saying he’s expecting me to fully ‘mature’ by the time I’m around 15, if not sooner at this speed. That’s not many years from now.

As I exited the lab, I stopped when passing by two doors. One of them was my room, I knew for a fact. It was barren, clean… Cold. Compared to the room I’ve gotten at Saotome Academy, it’s freezing cold, even with my roommate literally being capable of lowering temperatures to freezing at will. The other room…

_ … Hic… _

I pause, staring at the door. Inside, I heard muffled hiccupping, followed by snotty wet sniffing and whining. Crying… Like Reiji did, but…

I knock on the door and hear Aine gasp inside. “Ho— Hold on!” He says, his voice wet and miserable. Ah. So he truly was crying…

I stand still silently, waiting until the door opens to him. He was wiping at his face with one sleeve, his eyes puffy and red, his cheeks shiny and wet. “Ai…?” He asks, his voice barely over a whisper. He clears his throat and swallows before he repeats himself, “Ai? What are you doing here? Don’t you have to return and work? Your debut…”

“Why were you crying?” I ask, watching his eyes narrow. It’s hard to tell how he was going to respond. His eyes looked sad, but he smiled. Just as confusing as Reiji…

“Ah, it’s… Just stress,” he says, shaking his head. “I’m just stressed over writing music and all, it’s nothing big.” I frown at that, and it looks like he can tell just what I’m thinking. “Ah, you don’t believe me, do you? That’s okay.” I find myself pulled into a hug, him pulling my head down to his shoulder. Before I know what’s happening, he’s sniffling and squeezing me tight, rubbing his face into my shoulder. Wet…

I run my fingers through his hair, rubbing over his back as I rest my hand flat on him, set right between his shoulder blades. Heartbeat, average. His temperature is a little higher, but it’s hard to tell from what. He always keeps his room warm. Absently, I think back on that warmth to Reiji, and how warm his room is.

The floor is covered, though somehow it’s still neat. Sheets of music and random books strewn about. On one wall sat his bed, blankets and pillows tossed all about. My eyes skim over the rest of the room, disinterested in everything as I rub his back slowly still, letting him cry, then they land on an instrument. A keyboard… 

I turn back down to Aine as he sniffs, lifting his head and wiping at his face. “Sor— Sorry, Ai, I really am sorry,” he says, letting go of me. Suddenly, my back is much colder, now open to the air of the lab. A tremble goes up my frame. “I should let you go. I need to get my debut song done, too, you know?” He smiles at me, patting my shoulder before gently urging me out. “I’ll be okay after this, I promise. Thank you for letting me cry.” I don’t get a chance to respond before I’m closed out.

As the door shuts behind me, I notice how the lab is cold, so cold.

* * *

Two days later, I find myself… Frustrated? I think that’s the best word for it. Ranmaru and Camus have been pulling our composer back and forth this entire conversation, arguing and fighting over what our sound should be.

“You dumbass, it’s not gonna do shit if we keep it to yer classical what-the-fuck-ever!” Ranmaru snaps, his hands slamming on the table. I watch our composer flinch, curling up quietly as she holds onto the sheet of music. They’ve been going at it for a few hours now, Reiji looking more and more defeated the longer the two fight. He can barely get a word in before one starts screaming again. “If ya put it slow like’at, they’re gonna fall asleep! Ya tryin’a sing ‘em a lullaby?”

“Kurosaki, you fool, that does not mean we must use such a jolting sound as your hard rock instead!” Camus snaps back, vicious and cold. I pry my eyes away from our frightened composer to stare over at Reiji. He looks up from the table to meet my eyes, giving me a nervous grin.  _ I’m sorry, _ he mouths silently, and I side eye the arguing men with a tense frown and hard glare. “We wish to be pleasant on the ears, correct?”

“You sayin’ we can’t be rockin’  _ and _ nice t’hear?” Ranmaru growls, leaning in. His tie dangles down. For just a second, I absently consider yanking it and pulling him down… But I subdue that thought before I endanger our integrity any further.

“That is precisely what I am implying,” Camus sneers, a nasty look on his face. “Truly, I applaud you; for once you’re using what few brain cells you seem to have to comprehend my words.”

Ranmaru roars in anger, and I’m only just quick enough to prevent him from getting physical. I have to get up on the table, though, and physically plant myself between the both of them. Good thing that it can support my weight easily. “You two are exhausting and ridiculous.” I shoot sharp looks at them both, staring them down until they sit. Camus does so quickly, huffing and crossing his arms. I glare down Ranmaru much longer until he finally does. He grumbles, dropping back into his seat with his arms crossed, glaring daggers across the table at the platinum blond, who only reaches for his questionable tea instead.

Reiji clears his throat, slowly standing and clapping his hands together. “Well,” he begins, making sure we all are looking at him before he continues, “we should consider it as  _ professional idols, _ rather than by personal tastes, don’t you think?” I look at our composer, watching how tense she is, staring down at the sheet music. Reiji rests his hand on her shoulder and she squeals in surprise, jumping. “Sumi-chan, why don’t you show us what you planned, hmm?”

“O— Oh, yes, yes!” She squeaks, scrambling to get her laptop out. “I have a… An audio file, to o-offer to you all to hear it. Um, surely we’ll be able to work on lyrics today?”

“We have precisely 10 hours and 27 minutes to work, if we begin immediately.” She looks at me with surprise of my accuracy before she nods, starting the music up to let it play.

* * *

It was nearly midnight the next day when our debut was over, the other three breathing hard and sweating. Reiji picks up his water bottle, opening it up and taking a drink, before turning to us with excitement.

“We did amazingly,” he breathes, his eyes shining. I can’t tell if he’s about to start crying again, so I simply move a little closer to him, bumping our shoulders together. He wraps his arms around me, pulling me into a tight hug. “We did it,  _ actually _ did it. We’re a group now! We really are QUARTET NIGHT!” He laughs, rubbing at his eyes.

Ranmaru grunts, looking away for a second. “Wasn’t expectin’ some pop shit to really work,” he says, “but it wasn’t that… Bad. I guess.” Reiji beams at that. It must have been a compliment, then, if a questionable one. But, of course, this is coming from Ranmaru, with hard opinions on music. It should be reasonable that Reiji would take just that as a compliment.

Camus nods in agreement, taking a seat as he wipes his forehead of the sweat. All of them have elevated temperatures, but not concerningly so; I myself feel warmer than average, having pushed all of my systems to perform their best for this. I only worry that they won’t cool down, but it’s only a nervous thought that passes quickly. Ranmaru digs through his bag, picking up his phone and looking through it as he props one leg up onto his seat, leaning in it at an angle. When I glance at Camus, he’s glaring.

I search around a little, picking up my own phone next to Reiji’s. When I turn on the screen, I notice something interesting near instantly.

_ »One missed call: Aine Kisaragi _

Oh, Aine tried calling me. I call him back, looking up to Reiji when I catch the surprise on his face. “What is it?” I ask, holding my ringing phone to my ear.

“Oh, well, Aine tried calling me,” he says, turning to show me his screen. Similarly to my screen, it told about a missed call from him.

_ »One missed call: Kisagi💙 _

Endearing. I nod, tapping my phone. “I’m calling him back right now. Do you want to call him as well afterwards?” I ask. Suddenly, the thought of him crying returns to mind.

“Yeah! That sounds good!” He says, beaming. I nod, turning back to my phone.

Ringing…

Ringing…

Ringing…

I shake my head when it goes to his voicemail, stopping the call. “You should try,” I say, and he nods with a smile. Reiji starts calling him, even putting the phone on speaker so we could all listen.

Ringing…

Ringing…

Ringing…

Ringing…

Ringing…

… Voicemail. His smile falters for a second, then he tries again, only to end up with his voicemail a second time. Our eyes meet, and we stay quiet for a good few seconds. “Maybe he’s asleep?” Reiji suggests, smiling and shrugging calmly. I nod. It makes sense, considering the hour currently. “Come, come, let’s get home!”

I stay still until the other three are out before me, then I follow them. It’s cool outside tonight, though not necessarily cold enough to be freezing.

… Why am I shaking, then?

* * *

When I woke up, the first thing I noted was how cold the entire house was. It was colder than it was outside last night, which is odd, considering it’s inside and if we need to, there should be heating. I stretch, standing up slowly as I rub my hands together. It doesn’t really work the same, but it’s something I picked up from Reiji.

Reiji… Thinking of him, I just realised it’s near silent in the dorms. Considering the hour, he should be up and active, shouldn’t he?

But, as I open the door and step out, it’s still dead silent. I could hear my insides working, my fans spinning loudly, working to keep my internal temperature at a reasonable level. I never noticed until now which floorboards creak underfoot as I walk down the hall, moving to the main area. Sitting in there was Reiji himself, which is odd. Why is he so quiet, hunched over like that? “Reiji,” I say, and he snaps his head up, turning to look at me.

“A— Aine? Kisagi?” He asks, a hopeful note in his voice, and his expression dies quickly when he’s met with my questioning gaze. “A— Ah, it’s just you, Ai-Ai.” He stares at me for just a second, then turns away, his eyes focused on the ground. What on earth?

“Reiji, what’s going on?” I ask, coming over to him to sit with him. Before I even made it to a seat, he got to his feet fast enough I could’ve sworn his bones were locked like foam and a rubber band, snapping to attention before he turns swiftly and leaves. What on earth was that about?

I sit down and lean back, staying in the uncomfortably long silence of the empty room, until Camus came from his room. I turn to face him, watching his expression change slowly before he recognises me. “Mikaze. Good morning.”

I bow my head to him in greeting, but instead, I ask, “What’s gotten into Reiji? He’s acting strangely.” Apparently that hit some sensitive nerve in Camus, considering the way he winces and glances away. He turns away, making his way to the kitchen instead, no doubt to get something sugary for himself. What’s going on? By the time I realised he was finished, he was already on his way back to his own bedroom, and I am alone once more in the deafening, oppressive silence of ignorance to the issue.

Ranmaru was the last to leave his room, rubbing at his eyes with the heel of his hand as he came in. “Good morning, Ranmaru.” My words are met only with a vague grunt of acknowledgement as he drops back into a seat, his arms underneath his head. “What happened? I am assuming I missed important information, though bad information by the reactions Camus and Reiji gave me when I greeted them.” He yawns, pushing himself up.

“Y’ain’t hear?” He asks, rubbing at his eye with the heel of his hand. “Aine’s in a coma now. ‘Parently, we got lucky catchin’ him ‘fore anything worse happened.” I stare at him, my eyes widening. A… Coma…

“Why is he in a—”

“‘S a suicide attempt.”

I stop and stare at him, taken aback by his intense stare. He’s always serious, but this time seems more intimidating than before, his eyes boring into mine directly. I don’t have any words. What could I even say in the first place? I don’t get a chance to speak, not before he starts again. “Found ‘em in th’water, soakin’ wet ‘n freezin’ cold. We’re lucky he ain’t sick, probably, but he’s not conscious or any ‘a that.” His eyes look down at his hands and the both of us go silent. He didn’t pick up yesterday…

My stomach sinks the second I realise it. He didn’t pick up yesterday when we called because he was likely already drifting in the water, too far gone for us to be able to get to him, not unless we went there ourselves. I watch Ranmaru say something, but I feel too far away to hear him. He cried on me from the stress… How much stress did he actually have? How many times did he cry like that, but without someone to lean on? How… How long has this been going on, with all of us none the wiser?

I flinch hard at Ranmaru snapping centimetres from my face, suddenly up close to me. “Oi. You good?” I stare at him, silent and unmoving. He sighs, ruffling my hair up. For once, it doesn’t actually bother me too much that it’s happening. “‘Course not, y’woke up ‘n found out yer cousin’s pretty much dead.” I wince. Dead… No, he’s not. The professor… I should call the professor. I should go…

I stand on unsteady legs, waving slowly. Suddenly, my body feels colder, heavier, shakier, and the only thing that stops me from collapsing is the fact that Ranmaru grabs ahold of me, sighing hard. “You gonna be a’ight?”

I nod. I can’t make myself speak, but I can move. As he lets me go, I move by, back to my shared dorm. The hall is suddenly a whole lot colder.

* * *

The next week, I stay home, around the lab with the professor to help. There’s a certain coldness all in the house as I work, moving things about as asked of me, doing my work, understanding, learning. There was a certain tiredness in his face as we went about.

“… Ai,” he says, on the seventh day. When I turn to him, he stands quietly, his hands together. “I appreciate… All the work you’ve done to help me. But, I want to ask something of you, to… To hopefully help Aine, if we can.” I nod along quietly, watching him and listening.

* * *

When I got home finally the next day, the first thing I noticed was the way Reiji looked at me, his eyes hopeful and shining. I initially believed he’d somehow gotten over it, somehow far too quickly. I remember studying that, as a possibility, people will start feeling better in six to eight weeks, but…

“Kisagi!”

_ Ah, it’s not for you, Ai. _ My expression falls a little, and I shake my head slowly. His eyes focus over my features, his expression beginning to falter, little by little, and then tiredness fills his eyes. He seems worn now, his previous excitement dying down.

“… Ah…” He murmurs. I don’t get another word in before he turns away, walking off.  _ I’m sorry. _ Somehow, it hurts a little more than if he’d just looked at me in disgust and anger, or frowned, or something else other than that distant look. Anything else…

* * *

This week was a constant fight to speak with him. When he’d catch me, his eyes would light up, but he'd never believe it to be me. Not at first, at least. He’d always need some type of convincing. All the while, I heard little bits and pieces murmured to me, apologising, sighing, little comments here and there.

The next week, I saw him less. He was more hidden away in his room the whole time, I figured out. Knocking to check on him only resulted in him peeking through the smallest crack in the door before quickly slamming it in my face. When I caught him out of his room each time, he’d always immediately run off to hide upon seeing me.

It wasn’t until the first day of the third week that I was stopped by anyone. Camus rested his hand on my shoulder, stopping me and leaning in. “Mikaze, are you perhaps crying?”

I stare at him, reaching up to touch my cheek. Strangely enough, I was crying, I think; at least, it was wet, and I don’t remember it getting wet until just now. “I… Think so,” I say slowly, staring at my hand.

I don’t have the time to register him pulling me in and resting my head against his chest. I only notice I’ve been moved when I feel his fingers rubbing my scalp, holding me close to him. I don’t remember why I started crying, or when I started, or…

“Hush now, Mikaze,” he murmurs, rocking with me slowly. A hiccup bubbles out of me and I feel myself shake. “If you feel the need to mourn your cousin, I shall not judge you for it.” Am I mourning? Is this what it is? Is this the same way Reiji feels, having lost someone so close to him? I wrap my arms around myself and whimper with another shiver, sniffing. I didn’t even realise I could cry until just now. That’s probably what the professor had given me the ability to do the last time we’d met.  _ I never wanted you to have to feel this way… _

I hiccup again, detaching from myself slowly and wrapping my arms around Camus instead, squeezing him tightly between my arms and leaning into him more.

* * *

The next day, I finally managed to catch Reiji out of his room. Not wanting to scare him off, I quietly hid, watching him from behind the wall. He sat still, leaning forwards with his eyes on his hands, his hair falling and covering any possibility of his face being shown. On the table in front of him, papers and papers were scattered. Those look like…

My heart sinks when I focus on the order of the notes and I bite the inside of my lip. I remember seeing those notes. B 0 , triple note  _ # _ F 1 - _ # _ F 2- B 3 , triple note B 2 - _ # _ F 2 - _ # _ C 3 , triple note  _ # _ C 2 - _ # _ F 2 - _ # _ D 3 , all eighth notes, in common time, treble clef… That was one of the sheets of music I remember seeing Aine working on. At least, that’s what I’d assumed, seeing it in there. Discarded…  _ The beating of my heart… _

I notice Reiji jump almost immediately, my eyes shifting from the paper on the table up to him. His eyes are wide when he stares at me, but they quickly dampen and he leans back over. Ah. He must still be seeing Aine in me. An absent thought passes my mind, one for cutting my hair. Surely that’ll bring enough difference between the two of us… But I discard it before it continues any further. That’s ridiculous, absolutely not.

“… Hey, Ai…” Reiji greets me, though it’s lackluster. I try to open my mouth to respond, but he shakes his head and stands, storming out of the room. I stare after him, rubbing a hand over my wrist.  _ I’m sorry… _

* * *

For the next week, I’ve been back and forth between the lab and the dorms. Each time, I’ve found myself pulled into Aine’s empty room. Picking up papers of lyrics, sheet music, everything strewn about. I couldn’t prevent myself from looking through all of it.

_ Just like the sakura, the snow… _

_ A monogram becoming one in two… _

_ The vast sunset is exceedingly beautiful… _

I flick through the pages upon pages of lyrics, my eyes skimming the words absently. I take in the words swiftly, only changing pages when the writing ends unfinished and scribbling, narrowing my eyes in confusion at several sayings. This is odd. What about it is supposed to have meaning?

_ Sunset… _

Absently, I think back on Reiji as I read over it, my hands holding onto the page tighter. The sides crinkled as I stared at it. Sunset… This is strange. I’ve never had such an illogical thought like this, but for some reason, I had no doubt that it was my own mind providing me such a connection. I let go of the page just a little, flicking my thumb over the edge of it slowly. My eyes run across the singular line again.

_ I can’t make use of these anymore. Please, take them for me, will you? Nothing ever came together after my debut. Please, make use of them all… _

* * *

When I returned home at the end of the week, Reiji was the first person to greet me. It was almost jarring, seeing him standing there. “… Ah…” I couldn’t properly speak when he greets me, slowly smiling at me.

“… Ai-Ai,” he starts, placing his hand on top of my head. His fingers muss his way through, pushing my hair back from my face. I just lean into his hand. I don’t mind so much that he’s touching it anymore. It’s nothing bad that he is. “Welcome home.” He doesn’t have that same energy he had before, but he sounds like he’s trying to keep smiling. Trying to take back the way he’d treated me from before, perhaps.

I went quiet, my eyes focused on my own hands. They’re curled under the folder of papers I brought home with me, Aine’s composing and lyrics. He brushes my hair from my face, tucking some of it behind my ear before he lifts my head up. “Are you okay?” He asks. I just look over his face.  _ He’s worried again. _ I blink, then nod.

“I am alright,” I say, my stomach tensing as I listen to how bland I sound. But, he grins at me nonetheless, fluffing up the other side of my hair happily.

“That’s good!” He sings, resting his hand on the folder I held to myself. “What’s all this, hmm? Is it some super secret thing?” I didn’t know how to respond. Looking up to his face, I could tell he was straining to keep a smile. No doubt was I only adding to the stress.

“… Um. In a sense,” I mumble, watching his hand. It slipped off of it, letting it go.

“I see! Well, I… Have a couple things to go muck around with,” he says, “so I’ll leave you to your super secret stealthy Ai-Ai things!” I didn’t get a chance to respond before he’d turned around, leaving.

I stayed still for a while. The chill of outside sent a shiver up my spine, which effectively pushed me the rest of the way inside, shutting the door behind me.

* * *

“… Oi, Ai.”

“Hm?” I didn’t look up from the page before me. I could add this to connect these two…

“How’s, uh… How’s yer dad, ‘r whatever he is? How’s he farin’?”

I stop. My eyes go up to look at the heterochromatic man, his fingers picking at the strings on his bass. It’s not connected to anything, so there’s no sound coming from it, but he picks at it nonetheless, as if he could feel the reverberations from inside of it, or if he could hear the notes in his head instead. He turns to me after a bit, his hands going still. 

“… He’s…” I start. He’s been colder recently, more closed off. He seems more exhausted, as though he’s overworking himself for some reason, to study me further, see how I progress. See if I could help…

“If ya don’t wanna talk ‘bout it, I ain’t makin’ ya,” he says, probably in response to my hesitation. I look up to him, seeing his expression. He’s no longer looking at me, his eyes trained on his bass once more. I shift in my seat and sigh, setting down the papers once more. I’ve had little progression so far, working my mind to its corners to grasp anything out of it, whatever new that I could get. But instead, I just have been sitting here, stressing my mind as I look it over.  _ Take a break. Don’t overdo it. _

“… He’s been tired,” I finally admit. I’m not watching him, though I feel he’d have looked up at me when I spoke then. “He’s trying all he can to figure out how to help Aine. I’ve been… Doing the same.”  _ Thank you, by the way. _ Ranmaru hums in response to my words.

“Well, I just wanted t’check out what’s up with ya,” he says. I look up, watching at him strum a silent chord. “Betch’y’already got t’chat with Reiji when y’came back, huh?” I nod and he hums, continuing. “‘S good. Worked out how th’two’a you are?”

“I’m not sure what you mean with that.” He looks up to me when I speak, raising an eyebrow. “He simply greeted me when I arrived. Nothing else.”

“… S’no. Y’didn’t.” He moves his bass off his lap when he speaks, shaking his head. “Shit. Well, whatever, ‘s’alright. He’s workin’ his way on through you ‘n Aine.”  _ Oh Reiji… _

I nod slowly, listening to him. “That’s alright,” I say, shrugging as I hold the unfinished sheet music between my hands. In my head I play it to myself, listening to the way it sounds so far.  _ That’s so pretty. It’s wonderful. _

“He needs time, and I’ll give him that. If I was as close to Aine as he was, I’d be devastated, too, so I don’t blame him whatsoever.” Ranmaru moves his bass off of himself and sits up with a grunt. Now that I’m watching him, I distinctly notice just how… Tired he looks. There’s bags under his eyes, and I think he’s wearing his contact in his other eye this time, which is pretty rare, if it’s happened at all. Absently, I wonder to myself what reasons he could have for looking as rough as he does.

“I’m trying to understand as much as I can. Is this… Normal, when grieving?” I ask. Ranmaru looks at me curiously and I lower my gaze to my lap. “I just wanted to know if his reactions are… Reasonable. Logical. Average.” I didn’t understand a lot about it. I shrink into myself, frowning. I don’t understand a lot about  _ anything _ , despite being a so-called learning AI. I sniff quietly, wiping at one of my eyes. I don’t get any of this, I don’t understand anything I’m seeing. Emotions like these make no sense. I’m heating up, I notice absently, yet I don’t know if I can even care about it. Suddenly, a hand comes down on my shoulder.

“Ai, focus on me, a’ight?” I look up, my eyes focusing on Ranmaru slowly. He holds my face between his hands, crouching in front of me. When I felt myself cooling down slowly, he nods. “Good, there you are. Ya don’t gotta beat yerself up so much ‘cause y’don’t understand it right now. There ain’t no right way ’r whatever. Emotions ain’t ‘bout logic ‘r reason or whatever else y’said; they’re on how y’feel. You’re feelin’ like cryin’ now, right? ‘Cause y’don’t get what emotion’s’re all about?” I nod, sniffing hard as I sit up. I do feel like crying, I  _ really _ do. But, it’s because of something. There's a reason behind it, there’s logic, something to understand, all of it.

“There’s people that gotta cry over things like that, ‘r even less. There’s people cryin’ even now ‘n they ain’t got a reason to do it. Some people’re just cryin’ ‘cause they’re just… Cryin’.” I stare at him, rubbing the heels of my hands over my eyes. I don’t get what he’s saying. People cry to just… Cry? “Not only ‘at, but ‘ere’s people that sometimes just don’t cry over things. Could lose ‘eir family, ‘n they ain’t cryin’.” I nod. I feel like a child being explained things. In a sense, I suppose I am. “People don’t have th’same emotions each ‘n every person. Some people cry t’deal with ‘eir grief. Some go out ‘n get active t’deal with it. Some get mad. Some don’t feel anything. ‘S’all different with each person.” I nod as I listen along, my eyes trained on his. Every now and then he turns away, eyes going over the room.

“Reiji’s cryin’ over losin’ a friend. That’s how he deals with grief,” he says, moving to sit with me. His arm wraps around my shoulders and he pulls me into his side closely. Strangely enough, he feels somewhat warm, comfortable. I close my eyes, leaning into the warmth. Is this normally comforting for others? I press my face into the side of his chest, and suddenly—

_ … Hic… _

I found myself shaking again, holding onto the side of his shirt. I don’t understand why I’m crying this time. I wasn’t crying earlier, and I was feeling better. Why am I crying this time?  _ Oh Ai, I’m so sorry. _ I sob quietly into Ranmaru’s side, squeezing him in a hug. 

* * *

The following week, I’ve seen Reiji around more and more, as if he’s trying to be around me again. He’s started looking at my face again, forcing his smiles less and less slowly. He even finally starts getting to where he’s touching me, pulling me into side hugs at seemingly random and patting the top of my head. The more time goes on, the more comfortable I get with the contact once more.

Late one morning, I remember waking up early, exhaustion settled into my body. Cold again… Carefully, I push myself out of bed. Taking a blanket, I wrap it around myself tightly before I make my way out of the dorm. Camus is sleeping deeply enough that I won’t wake him, thankfully, and our senior is snoring far too loudly on his side of the room for me to even consider worrying over him waking up.

I make my way out to the common area, stopping upon seeing Reiji laying out there. Is he… Asleep? As I make my way closer, I tuck a hand against his neck, feeling for his pulse. It’s there, and average for a sleeping person. However, it looks like my touch woke him up, feeling how he jumps and seeing how fast he sits up.

“Ah!” He yelps, and I have to jerk back to avoid him hitting his head against my nose. “Ai-Ai! Don’t scare me like that!” He gives me a large grin, patting my head. I have to stop myself from leaning into his hand at that.

“Sorry,” I mumble, and a part of me is surprised at how sleepy I sound. I don’t think I’ve ever been this tired. “Are you okay?” I sit next to him, and when he wraps an arm around me, I don’t stop myself from leaning into his warmth. Comfortable…

“I’m okay! Just wanted to get out of the dorm, y’know?” He says, cupping my cheek and rubbing it. I curl my knees to my body and lift my blanket for him to lean in. My side is only exposed and cold for a little bit before I feel his warmth again, and I feel how low my energy is still. Ah… “Are you sleepy, Ai-Ai?”

I hum in response, closing my eyes and staying still. Reiji hums and runs his hand through my hair and I rest my head on his chest. Warm…

Before I knew it, I’d fallen asleep out there. When I awoke later at a more reasonable time—6:13am, later than I’d have preferred—I rise to an empty, though now warm room.

* * *

“Mikaze.” I turn away from the synthesiser in front of me, peering over my shoulder at the man standing behind me. Camus is dressed surprisingly casually, despite how cold it was outside, though I suppose the coldness of late autumn in Japan is barely anything compared to what he’d dealt with back home. Sitting up, I turn properly to face him.

“Camus,” I respond, looking up at him. “What is it you need?”

Camus moves, sitting next to me and crossing one leg over the other. I turn back around, having to lean around him to turn down my synthesiser to a level where I can hear him as I play. “I’ve seen you and Kotobuki reconciling, it appears. I am very glad about such, it is good to know that the two of you will not have some falling out of sorts.” I hum in response as my fingers go over the keys. “I have spoken with Kotobuki, and it seems he’s beginning to properly recover from what had happened, forgiving himself and you. Now, how are you?”

I stop.  _ How are you, Ai? _ My hands can’t move and I don’t understand, so I lift my head to face him. “I’m glad I can talk with him again now,” I say, facing him. “I really missed getting to be near him.” He nods as he listens, his eyes trained on my face. I meet his gaze carefully, but soon turn back to the keys in front of me. Finally I can play again. My hands start playing the notes to the song I’ve been hearing in my head once again.  _ Just like the sakura, the snow is… _

“I’ve forgiven him for being so cold and distant for so long. I understand, at least a little now, I think, and I don’t blame him for the way he’d felt.” Camus’s eyes turn to my hands as I play. “I ended up finding him… Last night, out in the common area. That’s the reason I’d fallen asleep out there, because I’d been out with him.” I absently think back on the warmth I’d felt when I was laying on him. Comfortable…

“Well, Mikaze.” I glance at him when he speaks, returning to my synthesiser as he continues. “It’s good hearing the both of you have similar viewpoints on returning to one another.” I hear him standing, moving across the room. “I shall leave you to your practice in here. Remember, our senior wished to meet up with us this evening to speak together about our upcoming project.” I nod, and listen as he leaves the room.

* * *

The day after that was almost a blur for me. I couldn’t fully separate each event from the last, from Reiji bouncing around to music with my senior and Camus to chats with Ranmaru who, out of my surprise, is a lot more emotional than I’d imagine. Though, he is a little more shut off than the other two. It must’ve been about his previous group he was planning to debut with, if I had to guess, though it might’ve been a bit more…

“Ai-Ai!” I huff when Reiji nearly knocks me over the couch, then yell when I find him lifting me off the ground in a hug. “Whatcha lookin’ all brooding over here for?”

“Reiji, put me down!” I yell, kicking around and squirming until I’m finally placed back onto my feet. With a huff, I brush off my shirt and fix the back of it, looking at him. His grin only widens at my expression. He’s returned to his energetic self surprisingly quickly, though looking back, it wasn’t that fast at all. It took over 5 weeks for him to return to this point, so I suppose it’s reasonable. At least somewhat. “I wasn’t brooding, I was simply trying to remember my schedule.” As I speak, I turn to lean over the couch, reaching for the folder I’d had knocked from my hands.

He comes up beside me, leaning against the couch but not reaching over it. “You don’t have it written down or anything?” He asks. When I send him a questioning look, he seems… Surprised. “Whaaaaat? Not even on your phone, just for the time being? You don’t have a notebook for putting all your day’s events in? You just…  _ Remember? _ ”

I blink a couple of times at him, tilting my head to one side. My hair, loose as it is, falls in the same direction as my head. “Reiji, I have a fairly open memory still,” I say, and his face is shocked and confused for a solid five seconds before he silently mouths ‘oh’ in realisation. “It’s not an issue for me to remember things. Additionally, because of how I am, I technically can’t suffer from any form of memory loss, unless I actively have the memories I record either corrupted or deleted.” He nods quickly, his hair bouncing, and I have to restrain myself from reaching up to touch it. Odd, I don’t remember that being something I’ve had to do before.

“I get it, I get it, Ai-Ai!” He says, his smile warm. “I just forgot a little, that’s all!” His hand comes up to rest atop my head, and I close my eyes at that. Hmm…

“Reiji?”

“Hmm?”

“Why do you pat my head so often?” I open my eyes to his surprised expression, as if he’s never been asked that sort of question before. I stare at him and tilt my head to one side, watching him think.  _ He still hasn’t dropped that, huh? Even after being apart for a good year or so… _

“Well… I started it since I wanted to praise you,” he starts, lifting his head and resting his hands on his hips. “Of course, what better way to praise a job well done than a pat or two?”

“Simply telling the person they did well.” That was an easy question. But, instead of agreeing or disagreeing with me, he… Laughs?

I suddenly realise it’s been a while since I really heard him laugh. Even when we started talking once more, he didn’t totally start laughing. More of little amused huffs and quiet chuckles over anything. But now, this time, he’s really, actually laughing. I can’t help but stare at him quietly, listening to him. When he finally calms down, he shakes his head, resting a hand on my shoulder and pulling me closer to him. “Ai-Ai, that was a rhetorical question, not one you actually had to answer!”

I look down at the floor. Oh, right, rhetorical questions. “Oh,” is all I manage to say, which somewhat feels fitting to me personally, as it sums up the basic way that I feel about that. Reiji just hums in response, pulling me into a warm side hug. I don’t try pulling away, leaning in closer.

“It’s fine, Ai-Ai, you’re not the first person to misunderstand, and you won’t be the last!” I hum. At least he’s understanding. “Lotsa people mix up rhetorical questions with real ones! But, that doesn't mean I won’t tease you about it!” He reaches up and ruffles my hair, and I instantly find myself pouting. I like the headpats,  _ not _ the ruffling.

“I see,” I mumble, reaching up and starting to comb through my hair with my fingers to fix it back down. He hums, letting me go and leaning against the back of the couch.

“So, what plans do ya got?” I turn to lean against the back of it with him, reading out what I’ve got to do the rest of the day.

* * *

Two days later, I remember finding myself ending up in Reiji’s and Ranmaru’s dorm at about 3 in the morning. In my sleep deprived and shivering state the night before, I wasn’t going to be able to remember it until just now, but now that I’m awake, I notice how… Warm it is in here. Comfortably so, thankfully, but it’s a lot warmer than the one I share with Camus and our senior.

I also notice Ranmaru staring at me from a chair, his arms crossed over his chest. “Mornin’, Ai,” he says. I turn to look at him.

“Good morning, Ranmaru.”

“‘S a nice mornin’ t’see ya.”

“Yes, it is. Is something the matter?” He’s acting a little odd.

“Nothin’s really th’ _ matter _ matter, but y’do realise yer in mine ‘n Reiji’s ‘n Ryou’s bedroom instead’a yer’s ‘n Camus’s ‘n Daiki’s, right?”

“Yes.” I stare at him for a long minute, the both of us entirely silent.

“… And’ja remember the no romance rule, right?” He says, leaning in as if he’s hinting something. I just stare at him calmly. What was romantic about what we’d done?

“Reiji simply invited me here,” I explain, “mainly because I keep waking up from how cold it is and he’s decently warm. It is not romantic to be mutually beneficial, is it?” He shakes his head, grumbling under his breath, and I don’t get what the problem is.

“‘S’not the… Well, y’know what? Fuck it,” he shakes his head, standing, “you ’n Reiji get t’do whatever y’want, ‘cause it’s makin’ him happy.” I stare at him when he moves to leave, tilting my head. Strange…

… Ah! The unit project! I almost forgot it was today. I quickly leave Reiji’s bed to run back to my dorm to get ready for it, starting to get ready to get out of my shirt as I sprint down the hall.

* * *

“Ai-Ai, Myu-chan, Daikin, your song is amazing!” I look up to Reiji when he speaks, seeing his beaming face as he claps. Next to me on the couch, Camus sits up more proudly, and on my other side, our senior hums.

“Thanks, Kotobuki,” he says, leaning back in his seat. “Your own unit song was good, too. Well, your’s, Kurosaki’s, and Ryou’s, but y’know.” He shrugs a little as he speaks. I look over at Ranmaru, who I’m not convinced is 100% awake, and the other senior, who is distinctly staring at the likely-asleep junior of his.

“Yeah, but you three had such a pretty song!” Reiji says, more energetically. He hops up, coming over to sit next to Ranmaru, who jumps and his eyes snap open. Ah, so he  _ was _ asleep. He grumbles and rubs at his eyes.

“Mrrgh, yeah, Daiki, Ai, Camus, y’did great,” he mutters, flopping back against the couch. My senior laughs, but theirs rolls his eyes.

“Seriously, Mikaze. The three of you did spectacularly,” Ryou says when he looks over at me. His face is solid and straight, but I can tell he meant it. I nod a little, looking to my side at Camus, who looked all too pleased to be praised like this. What is he, a dog…? No, that’s rude.

“Man, now I kinda wish I was partnered with you, Ai-Ai! Instead of ol’ sleepyhead Ran-Ran over here!” Playfully, he elbows Ranmaru in the side, earning a half asleep snort and some swatting at him as he wakes the man up a second time. I have to hide my smile, taking a deep breath.

“Thank you. I’m… Glad to have done it,” I say. “Besides, I joined after you three were planning on being a triad already. It would have been rude to make Ranmaru swap over to under Daiki.”

“That, and I’m not sure how well I’d mediate his and Camus’s bickering.” I turn to my senior as he laughs a little. Ryou shakes his head some.

“Could’a taken Kotobuki. You three would get along well, and I’d straighten  _ those two _ out.” With a pointed look, Ryou looks between Camus and Ranmaru, then reaches over and smacks Ranmaru on the knee. “Will you wake up already? You’re still in this conversation!”

“Fuck’s  _ sake! _ ” Ranmaru barks, rubbing at his eyes and sitting up. “Ffff _ ine _ ! I’m up!”

I couldn’t stop the laughter that bubbled up out of me then.

* * *

_ Ai-Ai, can you come to my dorm today at 5? No Ran-Ran, no Ryoutan, just the two of us. I want to talk to you. _

_ \- Reiji Kotobuki _

I stare at the note slipped into my folder from earlier, reading over it quietly a couple of times. What could Reiji want that required him to give me this, instead of just asking me upfront? I look over the note a couple more times, ensuring I read it right and didn’t miss anything, then I turn to check the clock. 4:17pm. I had under 43 minutes to get ready and go.

While I make my way back to the dorm I share with Camus and our senior, I stop as I pass by one of the doors, my entire body going still. That noise… Is someone crying? I don’t feel cold, but the shiver going down my spine is hard. I turn my eyes to the dorm that the other half of our band shares with their seniors.

I know Ranmaru’s out, the note said it and I remember he’d mentioned something earlier today about being gone about this time. And even if he was, he wouldn’t cry that loudly, I don’t think. I’ve never heard him cry, though, so it’s only an assumption. Ryou is also out, the note suggested, which leaves…

“Reiji?” There was a squeak from the other side of the door, and I find myself jumping at the sudden sound of my own voice. Oh. Well, since I’ve made myself known… “Are you in there?”

“O— Oh! Ai-Ai! Hold on a second, I’ll open the door!” His voice is shaking, and it’s very obvious he’s barely holding it together. He’s crying… Aine… Aine was…

I jolt when the door suddenly swings wide open, and I’m quickly met with Reiji’s beaming face. “Heya, Ai-Ai! Whatcha need?” I find it hard to speak. He’s in the door, mostly filling the frame up. His eyes are shiny and red. He didn’t really try to hide the fact he’d been crying…

“May I come in?” I ask, putting one of my hands on top of his. He looks to my hand, then my face, and I watch the small internal struggle he has.

“… Sure!” He says, grabbing my wrist and pulling me in. As he shuts the door, he plants his hands right on his hips. “Now, whaddaya need?”

“No, it’s not about me.” I shake my head, reaching to rest my hand on his cheek. He tenses up instantly, his eyes searching all over my face. “What do… How can…” I find it hard to speak, and when he just laughs, I have to stop myself from pouting.

“Ai-Ai, you don’t gotta do anything for me!” He says, ruffling my hair. I lean into his hand, and his breath hitches audibly for a second. “It’s just a little bit of crying, it’s nothin’ you gotta worry about!”

“But I am worried,” I say, taking his hand and moving it to my cheek instead as I lean into it. “I don’t want you to cry. I want you to be safe.” He stares at me for a few seconds. “I care about you, Reiji. I don’t want you to feel alone.”

He’s silent, staring at me. If I wasn’t so focused on him, I likely wouldn’t have seen his chest shake as his breath stutters. His head drops to the floor, and I can’t read his reaction in the slightest. Is he angry? Suddenly, I’m scared of being locked out again.

“… Ai-Ai…” I hold my breath when I hear him start, and his head lifts to look right at me. There’s tears in his eyes, and I move my hand slowly, holding his face. It’s almost like he’s a sheet of ice. Beautiful. Fragile. As I wipe away his tears, I watch him break.

They fall, running down his cheeks and down the side of my hand. “I… I didn’t…” He whispers, his voice quiet. “Couldn’t… Tell you from A— Aine… I… Di— Didn’t believe… Didn’t  _ want _ to believe he… Was…” He hiccups, grabbing my wrists tightly. I pull him in closer, rocking him slowly as I rub his back.  _ Please, keep him safe… _

“It’s okay, Reiji,” I mumble, stroking his hair as I rock with him slowly. He hiccups and clings to me tighter, and I hum to him.  _ Just like the sakura, the snow is… _

Before long, I find myself quietly singing to him, swaying with the man until he slowly stops crying. As I feel him relax, I carefully bring him to sitting on his bed with me, laying down with him. He sniffs and rubs at his eye with one hand, looking up at me as I rest his head to my chest. He’s silent, teary wet eyes trained on my face. I rest both of my hands on his cheeks, pulling him in closer to rest his head on my shoulder as I hug him.

When he whines, I quietly rub his back, hushing him as I keep him close. “I did… Didn’t thi— think of you as… As Ai, I just…” His voice breaks, and I press my hand to his back as he takes a deep, shaking breath. “… Treated you… As if Aine co— could come back… Through you…” It hurt to be thought of as just a replacement of another, rather than my own person, but I understand why; the two were so close, it would only be natural for him to grieve. “It’s… It’s my fault he’s go— gone.”  _ I’m so sorry, Reiji. I’ve never blamed you for this, ever. I never will. It’s nothing you did. _

I rest my forehead to his, rubbing his back softly. “It’s not your fault it happened, Reiji,” I murmur, “you didn’t do anything wrong. Neither of us did, no one did.”

“Ai, he fucking—” Reiji starts, his voice loud, then he breaks, sobbing. “He tried to… To…” I shake my head, holding his face and pressing our foreheads together. He sniffles and hiccups, wiping at his eyes with both hands. “A— Ai-Ai…”

“It’s not your fault,” I repeat. He whines, but nods this time. “You’re not a bad person, you didn’t do anything bad. It’s grief, Reiji. You tried all you could with what you knew. He wouldn’t blame you for anything you’d done; you shouldn’t blame yourself.” The man is shaking like a leaf in my arms, looking both too tired to speak but too awake to do anything. Then, he holds me tighter.

“… Ai-Ai, will… Will you promise me just— just one thing?” He finally mumbles after a while. I tilt my head curiously, resting it on his shoulder.

“What is it?”

“Will… Can…” He struggles for a second, and I see it on his face. My hand moves without my control, and I softly rub his cheek in my hand, holding him close. That seems to relax him. “I just… Wanted to know if you could stay with me. Please.”

I nod immediately, taking his hand into mine to hold it gently. “I’ll stay, Reiji.” He looks up to me, and I give him a soft smile. “I’ll stay, as long as you want me to or need me to. I want to be by your side.”

He hums, then shifts to the side, leaning with me until we eventually end up on our sides in bed. This time, though, he moves to hold my head to his chest, sliding his fingers into my hair and softly rubbing my scalp. I close my eyes and hum softly. It’s comforting, him doing this, and I find myself quickly getting tired with the simple action.

“Let’s… Let’s sleep a little,” he says above me. “Neither of us have work, so we totally can.” I hum, meaning to say it’s a great idea, but I’m a little too tired to actually speak. The situation isn’t draining, it’s just warm and comfortable.

Despite how tired I am, I find him asleep before me, nuzzling into my hair as he holds on.

* * *

When I woke up, I found myself staring up to the ceiling. Though, there’s a little more than just that, feeling the hands massaging my scalp. My eyes flutter shut at the feeling. It’s super comfortable, now that it’s grown on me. Staring up, I’m met with those brown eyes, the ones that had tears, excitement, disappointment, joy, hidden misery, unabashed sweetness, those emotional, beautiful, loveable brown eyes that I’ve grown so warm seeing. For some reason unbeknownst to me, I like this emotion they’re giving, looking down at me. They’re warm, gentle. I try to search for their emotion, but I only come up with errors. Headache…

“Ah, did I wake you?” He asks, rubbing my cheeks gently between his hands. I hum and mumble, turning my head and nuzzling into his hand. “I’m sorry if I did. Do ya need to sleep more, Ai-Ai?”

“Mmm…” I hum, shaking my head as I lean into his hand further. “You didn’t wake me up. I just woke on my own.” His hands go back to my hair, sliding through it, and I feel myself laze about just a little. Comfortable…

“Promise?” I nod at his question, and I hear him hum happily. “That’s good. Is this good to do? I know you never liked having your hair touched when we first met, and I never asked after the face, so—”

“Please,” I say, cutting him off. My hands come up to his now-still ones and I press them to my scalp further. “Please keep rubbing. Comfy…”

He laughs quietly, then goes back to rubbing myself. Had I been a cat, I likely would have found myself purring. This is amazing. Is this… My headache stops my thought from continuing.  _ Haha. Are you happy, Ai? _

“Can you stay with me from now on?” I open my eyes and stare up at Reiji, yawning and rubbing at my eye. “You don’t need to, I just… Wanted to ask, if you could stay in here, sleep with me. I…”

I nod again, yawning and reaching up to cup his face between my hands. “I’d like to.” He looks at me with widened eyes, then he squints happily. That same unreadable emotion… I feel warm seeing it, and my speech program seems to have stopped entirely for a solid second. As it restarts, I listen to him.

“Thank you, Ai-Ai. It means a lot for me, for you to… To be here. I don’t know if it means the same to you, or if it means anything to you, but… But, I appreciate it, seriously,” he says, reaching down to rub my cheeks. He gives a playful little smile as he giggles. “Soft Ai-Ai. I never would’ve expected you to be so soft and squishy like you are!” I hum and yawn as I nuzzle into his hand again. Why am I so sleepy? Are my programs malfunctioning from just seeing his face? Strange… I’ll have to bring it up to the professor later, I believe.

“Mmm…” I hum, then I turn in his lap. I wrap my arms around his leg, nuzzling into his soft thigh, and he hums happily as he strokes my hair, sliding his fingers through it slowly. “Warm…” He scratches my scalp and I shake my head. I’m not a cat. Even if the sensation was somewhat nice, if new and unusual, I do not need it. I snuggle into his lap further.

“Ah, you’re not too warm, are you?” He asks, putting his hand under my chin and tilting my face up. He’s warm… He’s like… Like…

“I’m not. It’s just… Comfortable…” I mumble, my words slow. His eyes soften, and I close mine. Warm, cozy… “Do you want to go back to sleep? I know you don’t like sleeping early, but—”

“Sleepy. Lay down.” He stops, but shifts around, laying down on his back. I crawl back onto him, resting my head onto his chest, snuggling closer to him. He hums, pressing his forehead to mine softly. “Mmm…” I’ll be scolded for this later, more than likely, but that’s not what matters to me.

I feel his body slowly relaxing under me, almost as if it’s urging me to do the same. I comply with the silent action, slowly falling asleep as I nuzzle into him under the warm blankets.

**Author's Note:**

> [gives reiji a sip of the sad-happy juice] we love u king


End file.
